Airy Nothings

I heart Sundays.

Sundays in our house start easily and unfurl slowly.

We usually sleep a little later and stay in our pajamas a little longer.

Plans are loose and we rest, preparing ourselves for the busyness of the week to come.

Weekdays are filled with alarm clocks, obligations, schedules, achy bones and tired souls.

On Sundays, our day blossoms . 

And the bloom belongs to me.  

I’m rekindling an old relationship. I’m getting reacquainted with “Gym-me,” the woman who used to look back when I looked in the mirror.

I miss her so much. She was dedicated, stubborn, competitive, strong and — dare I say, sexy? Or at least she felt sexy sometimes.

I miss her toned arms, slimmer waist and hips, muscular thighs – and the way she felt on the inside: Confident. Sure. Healthy.Stellar.

 Ten years ago, when I was an unattached single mom with a full-time job, lots of stress and little play time, I’d go to the YMCA and work out at least five days a week. I kid you not. The gym was my outlet. My way of escaping the burdens I lugged around like an overstuffed suitcase. Working out was something I did just for me. Alone. No work out buddies, no trainer, no support. Just me, my waterbottle and the cross-trainer set on butt burner.

At first, I started working out as petty, catty form of competition. I admit it. I was envious of Kim, my then- boss who bragged about losing weight on Weight Watchers and running.

“You know, you should start working out. I have dropped a pant size in just a couple weeks,” she bragged.

What? How rude to suggest you need to work out! My inner competitive devil screamed!! “WE can’t have Kim out doing us. That will not do. We must be better than her. Or at least keep up!!”

Sometimes, I really hate that irrational competitive voice!!

So, on that day, I set a goal. No matter what, I was going to keep up with Kim. I took my jealous, pudgy self to the gym. Signed the papers. Paid the fees. And sweat – a lot.

At first I hated it. Every. Single. Step.

But, after a couple weeks, I saw a little improvement. I felt strong. I wanted to increase the weights. I wanted to try to run on the treadmill.

The number on the scale slowly began to get lower. Slowly.

People at work started asking, “Are you losing weight?”

Are you kidding me? I was hooked!!

One day, I realized that I didn’t loathe the person I saw in the mirror. She was ok. Not perfect. But ok.

Fast-forward, 10 years later. Life happened. I quit the job. Married. Moved. I left Gym-me behind. Big mistake.

Now, many years and many pounds later, I long to see my old friend.

Today marks the third day in a row that I worked out.

A lot has changed – inside and out — since the days when I looked in the mirror and Gym-me looked back.

It’s going to take hard work, commitment and perseverance to prove myself to her again.

But we are worth it. .

I found this on Jen Lemen’s amazing blog. I had to snag it. I wish I had written it!!

This morning, after I slurp down my coffee, I put on my walking shoes to walk in my neighborhood. It’s Spring. The flowers are laughing out loud; the birds are harmonizing. I want to be part of it.

I start ruminating on how gorgeous it is to be in Tennessee at this time of year and — despite how much I harass my husband about moving – how grateful I am to live in a place with so much color and wildlife. When, out of nowhere, a woodpecker with a bright red head darts through the trees. It was huge. It’s my first sighting of a real living breathing woodpecker. It didn’t peck the tree, but I’m stoked anyway.

I walk on. Tulips. Are. Everywhere. Crayon-colored cups seem to have popped out of the ground overnight.

Suddenly, I notice what appears to be a BIG … brown … dog … bounding right at me. In the middle of the street. Wait … that’s not a dog … that’s a DEER … um … there isn’t one … but FIVE … FIVE full-sized DEER are running TOWARD me … in the middle of the street.

AM I ABOUT TO BE TRAMPLED BY A HERD OF DEER IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?!?!!?

What do I do?

Seconds away from impact, the herd finally sees me … the deers have the same look on their faces that I surely have … what the bleep do I do now?!?!

I opt to stop. Just be still.

They get about 10 FEET from me and part like the Red Sea … one to the left, one to the right, one undecided, confused doe hems and haws and finally breaks to the right.

Whew! That was amazing!

The bright blue bunting – another first-time see for me – is another unexpected gift.

The day has just begun … what’s next?

I think I’m ready.

Smoochies!!

It’s been one of those weeks. Peaks, valleys, lows, lowers.

But, it’s Friday. Freakin’ Friday.

And just when I need it, the blogosphere sends me a message to remind me of the Joy, Abundance and Gratitude that I’ve let slip my mind this week.

Today is the first T.G.I.F - compliments of Ordinary Courage, a blog I love!!

It’s Freakin’ Friday!!! Time to exhale. I feel the hum of a big belly laugh waiting to burst out. Pure. Joy. Like Brene, I belive life is filled with moments of Joy, strung together like pearls.

I’m grateful Every. Single. One.

My sweet step-mother Yeongok Vanderpool died this morning in Seoul, South Korea. She and my father lived in Chinhae,  a small, rural town where he teaches middle school math to military children.

Yeongok and my father met and fell in love in Pusan, South Korea, when I was a self -absorbed teenager. She was petite with jet black hair and strong features. She smiled easily and was always eager to talk — even among a family of nontalkers. She was good for my dad.

We called her “Yo” because pronouncing her Korean name twisted our American tongues into pretzels. She took it in stride.

Yeongok was always generous to my sister, me and our families. She brought us gifts from their travels abroad when they made their annual journey back to the States to visit. She never forgot to send birthday cards and Christmas cards.

Yeongok was smart, kind and she always took very good care of my father. I know she loved him very much. My heartbreaks today for his loss. He will miss her so much.

My dad is coming to stay with me, in my home, during this difficult time. He is a private, stubborn, mysterious and proud man.

 He’s never asked anything of me in my life. 

Just this.

Love this clip!!!

It’s love Thursday and I’m spreading a little love, animal style!!!

Thanks Kelly Rae for posting this first!

I found a dream assignment.

I would love to show the world the faces of the people of Appalachia through photographs. Help me by voting here

http://www.nameyourdreamassignment.com/the-ideas/Glad/the-faces-of-appalachia/ for my idea. There are many worthy,wonderful causes to support. But to me, it seems the people of this region of our country — people who are my ancestors — suffer silently.

What do you think? Is this a worthy cause? I believe in it. Vote here. We have a lot of work to do!!!

Smooches and thanks!!

Happy Friday 13th!!  This week as I’ve read through my inspiring collection of my favorite blogs, I’ve stumbled upon some thought-provoking, interesting sites that I wanted to share.

Thanks to Chookooloonks, Jen Lemen, and New Southerner for continuing to serve up amazing content. xox

Click Here if you are longing for spring and want to plant seeds of purpose and hope.

Or Here if you want to celebrate YOU today.

And Here if you feel you need to kick some ass, proclaim your identity and celebrate where you come from and who you are!

Or Here if you want to be part of intelligent, thoughtful conversations with some amazing women.

And Here if you want another reason why growing your own tomatoes makes sense (and cents).

And finally, V-day has passed and I was remiss in not celebrating it. Click Here to hear Eve Ensler talk about how the Vagina Monologues came to be.

Smooches ~ xo

My beautiful friend — who happens to be a wonderful writer — has taken her creativity and passion to a new level.

Her new blog New Southerner has a specific mission:

New Southerner is a blog and quarterly literary e-zine promoting self-sufficiency, environmental stewardship and support for local economies. We believe these values are essential to the health and happiness of all people and the natural world.

Happy love Thursday to all.

::Smooches::