Airy Nothings

What can I give myself today?

Permission –

I give myself permission to rest. I am allowed to close the door to my bedroom or study, light a candle, turn away from the outside world, and escape into my personal oblivion. My body and soul need rest to work at their best. Too many times in the past, I have neglected this need. And as a result, I have been completely unengaged in what was going on around me because I was simply too tired to care. Now, when I need to rest, I shut the door. 

I give myself permission to play. Playtime is not only necessary for kids, it is a must for adults. We all should take moments when we step away from the stress of work, bills, time commitments and responsibilities to do something irrational for no other purpose than because it is fun.

I joined Carmen Torbus’s online art class called Spill It! and I love it! I wish I had discovered my love of playing with paints and making a blank canvas sing with color, texture and images. I do it because it’s fun. I don’t need other reason.

I give myself permission to do things badly. When I was youger, I used to be so hard on myself for not doing everything perfectly. Everytime I was punched in the gut with evidence of being an imperfect wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister, writer …. human, I would listen to the harsh admonishments from my inner Troll. I listened until I felt ashamed and not good enough (I know this now thanks to Brene Brown’s book) . 

I know better now.  I make all kinds of mistakes, especially in the painting class. I am not a perfect anything, and that is Ok. I am imperfect and so is my life. But, now, instead of ugly self talk when things don’t turn out as I’d planned, I sigh, learn from my errors, rethink past choices — then do it better next time.

I give myself permission to have one more chocolate chip cookie. Because life is too sweet to pass it up.