Airy Nothings

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of Self work. I completed Goddess Leonie’s Goddess Guidebook, listened to pod casts and recorded teleseminars on my iPod, and I’ve lost count on the number of blog posts I’ve read. Basically, I immersed myself in a sea of life coaching tools so that I can navigate new waters in 2010.

A little more than six weeks ago, I received Christine Kane’s Uplevel Your Life Mastery Program  and I started doing the work. Every day I listen to CDs in the car, read from the workbook and emails, and do the journaling exercises. It’s a lot to process and take in. But it’s wonderful and amazing. 

The pay off after I complete the seven weeks of heavy lifting  is a fresh perspective and insight into creating my life “on purpose.”

Christine says that often, this work is physical: you can feel it in your body. I brushed her comment off at the beginning. But lately, I’ve noticed changes in the way my body feels. I feel tense,  stuck, frustrated. My head aches. My shoulders are stiff and sore. I need time to write, to think and to daydream. I am preoccupied with my intention. And my thoughts. Where is my energy going? Where are my leaks?  Great stuff.

At first I attributed my achey-breaky syptoms to holiday stress. I get hinky and weird every year during the holiday season, and my body behaves in ways that make me think it’s mad at me.

But the holidays have come and gone, and I have continued to feel out of sorts. And I think I’ve figured out why. 

I realized something tonight. It stopped me in my tracks. As I was walking through Border’s feeling overwhelmed for no reason at all, it dawned on me:

 ::Ding::

This work is powerful. The lessons are taking hold in my head and working their way through my body. The tension in my shoulders; the ache in my head; my grumpy, resistant “Leave Me Alone” attitude are the result of the changes taking place in my thoughts.

I’m tearing my way out of my chrysalis. Tranforming.  Changing.

It’s not easy. And it hurts a little. Today, on day 40 of  one of the CDs, I found myself crying and releasing some “stuff” that no longer serves me. I know I’m making progess. I can feel it.  

But, I’m taking turtle steps. Slow and steady. And I have a long way to go. In fact, when I complete the program, I intend to go through the whole thing again. I am finished with my old way of doing things. I want to make choices that align with my intention instead of automatically reacting to circumstances without a second thought.